HomeSatireSan Diego votes to turn all bike lanes into stand up paddle boarding lanes effective immediately

San Diego votes to turn all bike lanes into stand up paddle boarding lanes effective immediately

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In an unprecedented move following the recent deluge, San Diego’s City Council has voted unanimously to convert all existing bike lanes into stand-up paddle boarding (SUP) lanes. This decision comes after widespread flooding turned the streets into makeshift rivers, prompting locals to ditch their bikes for paddle boards.

“Why fight the water when we can ride it?” remarked Councilmember Sandy Waverson, seen earlier navigating the flooded streets of downtown on a neon-green paddle board. “Our city is all about innovation and adapting tochange. Plus, it’s a great core workout.”

Critics argue that the decision is short-sighted, considering San Diego’s typically sunny weather. However, the council assures that on dry days, the SUP lanes can double as lanes for extreme skateboarding, bringing a new thrill to the city’s commute.

The city plans to implement ‘Paddle-Thru’ services at popular coffee shops and taco stands along these lanes. “It’s all about embracing the aquatic lifestyle,” says local business owner, Joe Surf. “I’ve already replaced my espresso machine with a waterproof version. Next step, waterproof tacos.”

As residents adapt to their new, waterlogged reality, the city council is reportedly considering replacing car horns with conch shells to complete the transformation into a Venice-like utopia. Meanwhile, local cyclists are still trying to figure out how to attach training wheels to their paddle boards.

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