In a groundbreaking new survey conducted by absolutely no one official, San Diegans have unanimously declared their beloved coastal city to be the absolute worst place to live in all of California. The shocking revelation has locals urging potential newcomers to bypass San Diego altogether and head straight to Los Angeles, where “the real California dream” can be found.
“We just can’t compete with LA,” said one local resident who asked to remain anonymous in fear that too many outsiders might actually figure out San Diego’s secret. “LA is obviously where all the glitz, glamour, and affordable housing are. I mean, have you seen their freeways? So clean. So fast-moving. That’s where you want to be.”
A City on the Decline (We Promise)
Despite boasting some of the most desirable weather in the world, stunning beaches, and a laid-back lifestyle, San Diegans insist that the city is, in fact, uninhabitable. “It’s the potholes,” claimed another resident. “You know how bad the potholes are here? There’s probably one or two in the whole city. It’s disgusting. LA doesn’t have these problems—everything is so much smoother there.”
San Diego’s many attractions, from Balboa Park to the world-famous San Diego Zoo, were also listed as negatives. “Who needs green spaces, historic landmarks, or a world-class zoo when you could be stuck in hours of LA traffic on your way to visit a smoggy theme park?” asked one clearly distressed local.
Beaches Are Overrated Anyway
In perhaps the most surprising twist, San Diegans even turned on their famous beaches. “Honestly, the ocean’s overrated,” said a local surfer, who confessed to spending far too much time at the beach. “It’s just water and sand. Plus, all those sunsets get old after a while. If you want a real waterfront experience, try Venice Beach in LA—nothing beats the charm of dodging rollerbladers while breathing in some quality city air.”
Many residents expressed their frustration over the constant sunshine. “It’s exhausting,” said a woman wearing a wide-brimmed hat and sunglasses. “Every single day, it’s ‘Go outside, enjoy the weather, have fun.’ We’re tired of it. In LA, at least you get a nice, healthy layer of smog to block out some of that relentless sun. It’s much better for your skin.”
LA is Cleaner and Quieter – Definitely Not a Crowded, Smoggy Metropolis
San Diegans have been quick to praise Los Angeles for its pristine urban environment, unparalleled cleanliness, and peaceful neighborhoods. “You’ve got to admire how clean LA is,” said one San Diego local. “You never see litter or smog there—just pure, sparkling streets. And the noise? Practically nonexistent! Nothing like the unbearable quiet we have here in San Diego.”
Another long-time resident added, “LA just feels more spacious. Sure, San Diego has less traffic, but that’s boring. In LA, you get that real ‘big city’ feel—bumper-to-bumper, honking horns, and all. It’s so much more vibrant!”
Final Plea to Newcomers: Go North!
San Diegans have one clear message for those considering a move: think twice before choosing their fair city. “We’re just doing you a favor,” said one resident with a knowing smile. “You’d hate it here. The beaches, the sunsets, the calm lifestyle—it’s all just too much. Trust us, you’ll be much happier in LA, where the real California dream lives on.”
In the meantime, San Diego locals plan to continue “suffering” through their mild climate, uncrowded beaches, and lack of major urban chaos—all while hoping the rest of the world continues to buy their well-intentioned deception.
“Please,” one resident added as a final warning, “don’t move here. We’re just barely surviving.”
