Facing a $31 million budget hole and rapidly dwindling reserves, the City of San Diego announced this week an innovative plan to sell naming rights to every pothole on city streets. The new initiative, dubbed ‘Potholes for Prosperity,’ promises to turn each axle-destroying crater into a lucrative branding opportunity.
“Forget stadiums! The real action is on our roads,” exclaimed Mayor Todd Gloria, while nervously dodging a sinkhole on Fifth Avenue. “Imagine driving over the Qualcomm Quagmire or sipping your coffee as you swerve around the Amazon Abyss.”
For as little as $49.99, local businesses—and desperate influencers—can immortalize themselves on San Diego’s beloved bone-shakers. Early rumors suggest that La Jolla residents are bidding aggressively to sponsor their own driveways, to keep them pothole-free or perhaps just to make them look more exclusive (“Welcome to the Rolex Road Rash”).
City officials stress that naming a pothole does not guarantee its repair, but perks include commemorative plaques, GPS navigation updates, and a special mention every time a AAA tow truck is dispatched to the site.
“We see this as a win-win,” said the city’s CFO, as he calculated whether the city could also sell naming rights to the periods of silence after daily budget meetings. “The more potholes we have, the richer San Diego becomes!”
The city expects enough revenue to make up for the SDG&E shortfall, or at least provide fresh paint for the ‘GoFundMe Gulch’ on El Cajon Boulevard.
